Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd crisis delusions Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis recovery Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Therapy update Voices

Struggling once again.

I’m struggling,

Thought things would be okay but once again got really stressed!

I’m not sure I can do this.

How do I stay strong and fight for a better life.

Alcohol Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd coronavirus Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions family Food Future God hallucinations Health Medication Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Voices weight loss yoga

Is this good for my mental health living back at my family home.

I’ve moved to my family home for a while while the lock down is on.

I feel lonely at my flat, I was struggling with my mental health and to keep myself safe but, at my parents I feel just as bad but sometimes worse sometimes better. But either way right now there is no good choice.

I’m struggling so much with

  • disorder eating thoughts,
  • anxiety,
  • ocd thoughts,
  • the voices, although Gods talking to me is reassuring,
  • Suicidal thoughts,
  • self harm.

I’m struggling with a lot.

I’m not sure what to do to help.

I’ve tried…

  • Sticking to healthy eating,
  • Drinking less alcohol, although I find sometimes drinking alcohol helps,
  • Using things in my self soothe box,
  • Calling the mental health team,
  • Using the prn I was given,
  • Using cbd oil,
  • Relaxation playlist on Spotify,
  • Podcasts on relaxation and breathing,
  • Yoga

Is there anything else I can try, I’m seriously struggling and and help would be appreciated?

What I need to do while I’m at my parents is…

  • Ignore the negative comments,
  • Ignore the negative behaviour,
  • Ignore the sarcastic comments and faces,
  • Ignore the attention seeking behaviour from others around me.

Things will be tough while I’m here but it’s ok, it won’t be forever, I need to remember that.

I can survive this rough patch.

I need to breathe.
Mental health

Set back!

I’m struggling once again.

I need more alcohol before things get any worse.


I don’t have any more!

I’m going insane,

I can feel it in my veins.

Please lord give me a break,

I can’t handle anymore, for goodness sake!

🐠I want to swim with the fish 🐟

So what now, I really don’t know but if I don’t find something that will help I have no idea what will happen.

Mental health mental health blogger

What am I grateful for today?

Ive been feeling a little low over the last few days, but it won’t last things will get better!

I’m grateful for…

  • My cats, they always cheer me up,
  • That my bathroom light came, I can finally have light at night,
  • And I received a sheet from what would have been the Easter spiritual service, and received the beautiful cross in the picture.

I’m adjusting to life and having to have a good think about what I want for life!

I know that I’d like to be happy, I’m looking forward to my job starting so excited, I’m excited about meeting this guy I’ve been talking too when the lock down is over, and I’m looking forward to seeing my family altogether!

Received in the post today from my chaplain.

Tough times don’t last but tough people do!

Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health mental health blogger

Update. I hate this situation!

Things are confusing, there is a lot going on. I’m not sure where I am or what I am doing!

If you are in the uk you might know we are in a lock down. This causes a lot of anxiety for many different people. I’m scared. This is all new. But we can get through this.

Luckily I have some food but no set meals.

I’ve started to feel this in to set some kind of routine.

My yoga for the mind is not meeting but I got a lovely call about doing it on video call. I’m so excited it starts at 10 and gives me something to focus on. For today anyway.

My support worker called me and gave me a website where they are doing free online courses mainly about recovery and mental illness. It’s something that really interests me. I’m looking forward to have something to keep me busy.

I think this is all going to be so hard on my mental health from the lock down to personal issues!

How can I know what I want but can’t say it, how can I know what I should say and it be wrong! How can I live when I want to die!

I’m struggling I’m trying to be strong and positive but how can I when I feel like this!

I hate moaning but I also hate feeling like I’m being told I’m someone I’m not. I do not think I am manipulative but I’ve been told I am. I hate that word and I was only trying to help, I was trying do to and say the right thing for them. How is that being manipulative.

Anyway so that’s all so random and there is no plan to the blog post, sorry about that. I just had too get it all out.

Please take care! Mental health is just as important as physical health!

Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd crisis depression Disappointment Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions Future job Mental health mental health blogger Over weight Overweight Personality disorder self harm Weight weight loss weightloss

Truthful update.

Sorry about lack of post, I’m struggling!

⚠️ Trigger warning ⚠️

I’m worried about so many things…

  • I worried I’m not good enough for anyone,
  • That I will never achieve the life I want,
  • My weight, being so high.
  • A guy telling me I’m fat, I know I’m fat but being told it is painful!
  • About getting the coronavirus,
  • worried I will never have a family, children,
  • Worried the job won’t go through, like something go wrong,
  • That I don’t do good enough for mums 50th or Mother’s Day,
  • That I should have put more effort in to dads 50th,
  • That I’m going to relapse in to self harm or alcohol,
  • That I might crash my car,
  • That I feel sleepy but don’t feel like I’m getting enough sleep,
  • About money, I am so lost,
  • About how I look,
  • About not finishing my nieces scrap book for her birthday!
  • I will never be good at life or living!
  • I’m a failure!!!!!

So if you got to the bottom of all of that you deserve a medal. 🥇

What can I do to help all these worries? I’m so lost! XxX

Mental health mental health blogger

First yoga class

It was so relaxing!

I was so anxious at first, but once I got in to it it was really relaxing! I go really tired and exhausted but at least I went, I definitely want to go again. I plan to next week.

I’m currently at creative writing, waiting for it to start.

Have a drink while waiting for it to start.

I feel so exhausted at the moment. Wish I could sleep, but can’t.

I think I’m starting to go down and that scares me. I’ve been on a up ward climb for a few weeks and now I think I’m filling cracking!

I’m exhausted, eating so much, gaining all the weight I lost, hardly getting any decent sleep, anxious, and getting really frustrated.

This is such a rollercoaster ride, mental illness is exhausting!

Mental health


Mental health

Struggling so much.

I’m seriously struggling so much recovery and living is so difficult.

Drinking to forget life!
angry Anxiety blogger Daily update Mental health mental health blogger scared self harm Voices

Trying to deal with the memories of trauma!

⚠️ trigger warning ⚠️

Honestly I’m struggling so much.

Im not really sure how to deal with this, I harmed myself yesterday and feel really poorly today.

I hardly slept.

I’m trying to resist the urges to harm again. Especially as I’m in a car right now as a passenger but we’re moving! I need to control my thoughts and voices!

My heart hurts, my brain hurts, my body hurts! Physically and emotionally!

I’m struggling!

Just taken some prn diazepam. Hoping this will help!

It’s my last hope!