Categories
Mental health

Police smashed my door down.

Yesterday once again I was in hospital having taken an overdose. The police and ambulance took me as I refused to go they said I had too.

I tried to leave and got to the car park as I was refusing treatment. What was the point of me being there, and taking up a bed.

The police thought I had gone home so smashed my door open.

I’m so scared now as they discharged me with no checks and I have a door that half shuts. I’m not scared that they didn’t check me as I want to die!

I don’t want this to continue but I see no way out other than dying!

I can’t do this any more!

Categories
Mental health

Police smashed my door down.

Yesterday once again I was in hospital having taken an overdose. The police and ambulance took me as I refused to go they said I had too.

I tried to leave and got to the car park as I was refusing treatment. What was the point of me being there, and taking up a bed.

The police thought I had gone home so smashed my door open.

I’m so scared now as they discharged me with no checks and I have a door that half shuts. I’m not scared that they didn’t check me as I want to die!

I don’t want this to continue but I see no way out other than dying!

I can’t do this any more!

Categories
blogger borderline personality disorder Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder Schizophrenia self harm

Wish it was that easy for a fresh start… 😢

But it’s not too late for a fresh view on life!

I can’t do this,,, I can do this, I mean, I have to do this! There is no going back!

I’m scared, I’m anxious and I’m all honest I want to end it, but I have to keep going right, but for what, or who?

It’s all so far away all the things I was looking forward too, what can I look forward too that is in the near future?

💡Any ideas ? 💡

Categories
Mental health

I don’t feel worthy to be in hospital.

I heard about someone on the ward who ended up killing themselves and being brought back to life,

I didn’t deserve the blood, she nearly died and I know I did too but people seem to being nicer to her than me.

I don’t know if I should of had the blood.

But now I have and it’s too late to go back, I will use my new found life to help others in any way I can.

Wish you all the best.

Categories
anorexia Anxiety Charity Cpn Daily update delusions depression Diary Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions exercise Future hallucinations Health healthy hospital Lonely Medication Mental health Mental health act Nhs Past Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Support worker Therapy Voices

10th September suicide prevention day.

10th September is suicide awareness day, but it’s also my birthday.

I feel really passionate about it being suicide awareness day, I’ve attempted suicide many times, as you’ve probably guessed I didn’t succeed.

I want to help others who feel they need to attempt suicide or are thinking about it.

I can’t say your life will be smooth and that there won’t be struggles because that’s unrealistic, but I can say your not alone. There are loads of charities out there that want to help YOU! And I’m here if you want to talk through how your feeling.

I care.

https://www.awarenessdays.com/awareness-days-calendar/world-suicide-prevention-day-2017/

https://www.samaritans.org/media-centre/our-campaigns/world-suicide-prevention-day

Categories
Alcohol Anxiety Mental health

So my 25th birthday celebrations begin.

I’m NOT going to attempt suicide this year!!!!!!

This is a big deal. I hate Birthdays especially mine, I hate the attention, that fact it’s a big deal.

I’m 25 in a few days.

So how am I going to do it.

I’m going to make it a big deal, I’m currently on the way to a hotel to get ready to go clubbing.

Pre drinks have started!

Then I’m seeing my family on Sunday, which is my birthday.

Let’s see how this celebrating thing goes. Xxx

Categories
anorexia Anxiety Cpn Daily update delusions depression Diary Disappointment Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions family hallucinations Health healthy hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act Nhs Over weight Overweight Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm spying Support worker Therapy Voices Weight

I can’t live with out this, but it could also kill me. 


Trigger warning:
I’m willing to take that risk. 

WHAT PEOPLR SAY-

” you have so much to live for.”

“You can’t leave your family behind to deal with your death.”

WHAT ABOUT ME???? 

Does anyone care about me, and how I feel. I don’t choose to be or feel like this. So unless you understand what it’s like to hear voices that want you to kill yourself and have so much anxiety you are terrified of everything, then please don’t say anything to me! You haven’t lived my life. 

Categories
Anxiety Mental health act Sectioned

3 years ago today.

Trigger warning: assault, attempted suicide, police. 

3 years ago today I was assaulted, it was too difficult to cope with, so I attempted to put a blade to my neck but I was restrained. Then my carer took me out for a drive to talk and be safe. That’s when the police smashed my front door down thinking I was still inside. When I got back to my flat, the police sectioned me under the 136. I was then taken to my local psychiatric hospital and went inpatient. 

2 years ago today I was in the new psychiatric hospital near me. I have moved from where the assault took place, but still don’t feel safe. 

1 year ago today I got my driving licence back, for being able to stay out of hospital and have no crisis. I also got a car. I was also 2 stone heavier than I am today, and I was only on 300mg quetiapine and today I’m on 800mg. 

And then there’s today, still got my driving licence, and not in hospital, trying to be positive but it feels like just yesterday this all happened. This date effects me so much. I’m trying to keep busy to not think about it, but it’s proving impossible. 

Categories
Anxiety Health Mental health Uncategorized

My local psychiatric hospital, and recovery college. 

Much to my suprise my local psychiatric hospital are starting a new project, called the recovery college. 

I was surprised to see some friends on Facebook had liked some of there posts. I didn’t even know they had a Facebook page. But it’s brilliant, it targets more of an audience. And the posts which are being posted are really good. Here is one of the posts. I feel this is a massive step in order to help more people and get mental health talked about. 

Also a celebrity attended the opening last week. Which I think is great for publication.