Categories
anorexia Anxiety eating disorder Mental health Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

What I gained from loosing my anorexia!

Trigger warning- anorexia! ⚠️

I gained so much from recovering from my anorexia.

Although I’d say I’m weight restored but I still worry about food and weight so much.

I wish I had my anorexic weight back just so I could feel valid having all the anorexia thoughts.

But I’m the short term I’ve gained that I can actually eat in-front if people, I can eat some full fat foods, I enjoy foods including pasta so much,

But

This all comes with guilt, and worry.

I hate how I look but I’ve never liked how I look. Never!

I want to look nice and thin but will it will it be enough.

I want these thoughts to go away.

I’m not longer diagnosed with anorexia although I think I may have atypical anorexia as my weight is restored but I have so many anorexic traits still to this day, will they ever go?

Will it ever be valid enough?

Categories
anorexia Anxiety Daily update Diary diet Doctors Emotions exercise Food gym Health healthy Mental health mental health blogger Nhs Over weight Overweight self harm Sisters Support worker Therapy Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

“You’ve lost weight but it’s not enough to notice!”

I’ve just been told this!

I went out with my sister and niece/ God daughter to a play group.

It was good I haven’t seen them in two weeks so she hasn’t seen me in about two weeks. I’ve lost a fair amount of weight In that time.

What I heard in my head is her saying…

“You’ve lost a little weight but your still hugh! Your fat and need to loose more.”

She didn’t say that but I guess that’s what I want to hear to fule my obsession about loosing weight it gives me an extra motivation.

Categories
exercise Food Mental health Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Weight loss

I’m very pleased that even though it’s over the Christmas week, I’ve lost weight, nearly 3 pounds.

I need to keep trying, I’m so pleased,

I might look okay by the time of my nieces christening, that’s my goal.

Categories
anorexia Anxiety exercise Food i did it Medication Mental health Over weight Overweight Weight weight loss weightloss

1st December… that came along quick.

I’ve got just over a month too loose thee weight. I have to be determined, I won’t loose the weight if I carry on eating and drinking the way I have been. I need to be strong and discipline myself.

I weigh 144.2lbs. I know fat and gross. I will loose this weight.

First good decision was to not have those biscuits this morning. And I’m planning on going to the gym. I can do this.

44 days… Any support will be very much welcomed.

“I believe I can therefore I will!”

Categories
31 day blog challenge Mental health Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Day 28- Something you hope to change about yourself and why?

My weight.

I want my weight to be in the underweight band, on the bmi.

I know what it’s like to be fat, normal and thin. I’ve gone through a mixture of weight differences and I know I want to loose weight from where I currently am.

I’m 145lbs, I’m so ashamed about my weight. My goal is to get to 100 lbs.

To change my weight I need to drink water, exercise more and don’t eat too many sweets and calories.

I wang to change my weight so I’m happy with my body and don’t feel ashamed I feel I will be happier at a lower weight, so that’s the plan.

Categories
anorexia Anxiety Daily update Emotionally unstable personality disorder exercise Food Health healthy Medication Mental health Over weight Overweight Personality disorder scared Schizophrenia Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

When did I get fat?

It feels like yesterday I felt thin and was at my lowest weight this year, the next thing I know I’m back into the overweight category.

I hate myself. I see all or nothing.

What I see in the mirror changes everything time even if I saw it seconds ago, it will be different a second later.

I need to get back down to that weight, it means so much to me to try and loose the weight and feel good about myself.

I’m fat, what I see in the mirror is fat, devil, and distorted. It’s scary.

Categories
anorexia Anxiety Daily update Emotionally unstable personality disorder exercise Food Health healthy Medication Mental health Nhs Over weight Overweight Personality disorder Schizophrenia Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Reached in to overweight!

I hate myself so much.

I’m so fat and no one can tell me otherwise, I know my weight.

I need to make changes but I really would like support, if your going through weight loss please me.

I’m disgusting, I need to keep moving, I don’t want to be lazy.

I don’t deserve anything nice.

Help me!

Categories
anorexia Doctors Health healthy Mental health Over weight Overweight Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Not seeing my doctor until I’ve lost enough weight. 

It’s a personal goal. I’ve decided I’m not going to go to my doctor, until I’ve lost the weight that I want too. 

This is because the last time I saw him, (last week) he said that it looked like my weight had stayed the same as the last time he saw me which was a few months ago, when in reality I’ve lost a stone. 

I know it shouldn’t bother me, but we all have our own goals, and this is my one. I will loose the weight and prove to him and myself I can do it, I can look good. 

It might also have the benifits of motivation and making me better, and I won’t be as ill all the time. I will be healthy as well as thin.