Tag: thoughts

How inpatient is going.

I’ve been in hospital nearly 3 weeks now.

There has been lots of tears, restraints, injections, prn, and anxiety but I’m starting to feel better.

Last Tuesday they decided they were going to give me the depot of haloperidol instead of the daily injections that were causing me so much distress.

It’s only 4 days after and I feel a difference already, the voices have died down, I’m no longer following there commands about harming myself or not eating.

I hadn’t eaten in 2 and a half weeks due to the voices telling me the food was poisoned, but since the depot I’ve managed to start eating, i did loose 20 lbs in the weeks that I wasn’t eating, I am scared that now I’m going to put all that weight back on but now I’ve got an even bigger reason to loose as much weight as I can now.

I had appealed my section called a Tribunal but I didn’t win it as I’m still here. It was horrible listening to them all talk about me and what’s wrong with me and why I’m not safe. An because of covid we were all on the phone, so we couldn’t see each other. Anyway I lost and I’m still here under section 2.

I have had a lot of falling out with my family since being in here, I hate the fact that they go behind my back to get information about me and my care when it clearly states on my notes not to share any information with them. Why should I? They never tell me when my team have been in touch with them. It’s horrible knowing everyone is going behind my back, it’s my cate talk to me!!!!

Ward round went well on Thursday, the consultant said I can be discharged this week coming. Which I’m happy about but I don’t think it’s going to be as simple as waking up tomorrow, packing and walking out the door, they have been talking about a CTO, which would mean I have to have another mental health act assessment and put on section 3 just to be put on a CTO.

My understanding of the CTO is that if I refuse the depot or mental health declines than I can be brought back in to hospital under section 3 automatically. Which is scary.

On Friday I went on my first escorted leave since arriving nearly 3 weeks ago. It was so nice to get out, the rain stopped for us and a nurse that I trust and get on well with took me. We had a really good chat. She also supported me to get my first meal here. Which I’m so great full for.

The occupational therapist spent some one to one time with me and she painted my nails. Gave me a sheet to colour and a puzzle to do in my room.

So as it stands now. I’m hopefully going home one day this week, I hope it’s really soon as I can’t wait to see my cats, sleep in my own bed and have a shave.

It’s amazing the difference one medication can make. I feel like a different person.

I will admit I didn’t realise I’ve been here this long, and luckily I don’t remember much about the distressing times.

Hopefully I will be home soon and back on the life I want to lead.

Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd crisis Daily update delusions depression Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions family hallucinations Health healthy hospital Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Nhs Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis recovery Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Support worker Therapy update Voices weight loss weightloss

Overdue honest update.

⚠️⚠️⚠️Trigger warning! ⚠️⚠️⚠️

⚠️⚠️ suicide attempts, no food, restraint, poison, rape, self harm. ⚠️⚠️

Last Monday I attempted to end my life, my care co found out and police were called.

I was sectioned under 136 and taken to my local mental health hospital.

The next day I was put in section 2

I’ve appealed and got my tribunal on Wednesday, which I’m scared of.

I haven’t eaten in 2 weeks due to the nhs poisoning my food. I’m able to drink from sealed bottles from outside the ward although I’m limiting what I drink to dry and die.

I also found some glass and started cutting my wrist to get the medication out of me.

I’ve been injected by restraint 3 times and it’s so scary brings back flash backs from being raped.

I’ve been trying to get the blood out of my body so I can get the poison they are injecting me with out of my body.

I’m so scared. Currently the voices are really bad and I feel unsafe. The nhs are trying to steal my DNA. To clone me because I can’t die.

I’ve been here over a week but feels like a few hours I’m loosing track of time.

I’ve barricaded my door multiple times to attempt to stop them restraining and injecting me.

I’m so low at the moment and my head is so busy.

I’ve had a few troubles with family which has lead to me becoming more distressed.

I can’t concentrate much and it’s taken me days to write this.

I’m not ill and don’t need to be kept against my will and medicated! It’s not fair. I’m so scared.

Will I ever get out of here unharmed?

I think Ive lost some weight already from not eating for 2 weeks but it’s not through choice If they weren’t poisoning my food I could eat. I’m scared.

Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd Cpn delusions Emotionally unstable personality disorder God hallucinations Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis recovery Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Voices

God is my protector!!

They have no idea.

My parents aren’t my next of kin they can’t call them and tell them anything!

God is my next of kin!

They are so far away from me!

Don’t try and say sorry because you have no idea what the voices are telling me about you!

I’m better off keeping all this too myself!

God is my protector!

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👋 Hello Monday, new beginning! 💕

Post author By rosiestar11
Post date April 6, 2020
2 Comments on 👋 Hello Monday, new beginning! 💕

Hi,

It’s Monday again, if you think about it we are lucky to be here it’s a blessing another chance to start over, another chance to make a change and another chance to make a difference!

I hope you all have a fantastic week and stay safe and well!

I’m going to try and remain positive in such an uncertain world. 🌍

anorexia Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd depression Emotionally unstable personality disorder hospital Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Personality disorder Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Therapy

Making key rings!

I’m keeping busy and making key rings for anyone in the uk struggling. Bringing a bit of positivity to these uncertain times!

I’m going to be giving them away completely for free!

💕 Spreading some love! 💕

Just message me your address and I will send you one. Xx

Mental health mental health blogger

First week in lock down.

I’ve been told this isn’t much difference to the life I gave myself before hand, but actually it is!

I used to go to mind groups, farm therapy, appointments with my care team, over to visit my family when ever I wanted too, that’s not the case now.

I know people keep saying you aren’t stuck at home your safe at home, but I don’t feel safe, I don’t feel safe from what’s going on inside my mind, or all the thoughts and difficult situations I’m now currently in.

I’m hoping this won’t last too long, I’ve heard a few dates being said and it’s a lot long than I originally thought it would be.

It’s scary too see and hear so many people getting ill and dying.

I’m scared, this is so out of my control but I’m going to try and focus on the positives…

Had a care plan review over video chat with my psychiatrist and cpn,
Did yoga with video chat,
Started some crafts,
Having more time to think and focus on my life,
Having time to tidy,
Been out for a walk,
Feeling like I’m finally starting to accomplish things that I’ve wanted to for ages.

So it’s not all negative here.

Later I will show you key rings I’ve made for anyone struggling. Can’t wait to share them. I’m going to be sending them completely free to anyone wanting one.

Book from the therapy farm I use to go too.

Tags Anxiety, anxious, Emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, I can and will get through this, lockdown, Mental health, mental illness, motivation, nature, Personality disorder, positive, scared, support., thoughts

alpaca Animals Mental health recovery Therapy

Friday 13th update. 🐓 🦙

Today I stepped things up a notch.

I drove to anormal therapy. That’s the first time, so I went from support worker taking me then carer, then taxi then bus now I’m free to drive myself there!

Little steps all count. It all adds up to positive changes.

I’m quite proud of myself if I’m honest.

My dad said he was proud of me too, that meant so much too me!

Recovery is worth it, things are going well but of course there are tough times but I can do this. I know I can!

💫 I’m going to do this! 💫