⚠️ trigger warning ⚠️
Honestly I’m struggling so much.
Im not really sure how to deal with this, I harmed myself yesterday and feel really poorly today.
I hardly slept.
I’m trying to resist the urges to harm again. Especially as I’m in a car right now as a passenger but we’re moving! I need to control my thoughts and voices!
My heart hurts, my brain hurts, my body hurts! Physically and emotionally!
I’m struggling!
Just taken some prn diazepam. Hoping this will help!
It’s my last hope!
😢
I thought I could hold on to this positivity.
But
I can’t!
I’m struggling so much, so many thing finally broke me and I don’t feel I can take any more!
I’m sorry for the negative post but I guess that’s mental illness for you.
Anything can happen and so many emotional changes!
Mental illness is a struggle.
Self soothe box it is.
I’m seriously scared,
Any suggestions will be helpful.
I usually end up harming or doing something dangerous just to try and cope with the memories/flash backs!
But I need to get a grip on this, there are so many things that trigger the memories of it or flash backs.
I’m constantly having nightmares.
I had a panic attack last night due to it all becoming too overwhelming!
Help please?
Music has got me through some horrible and tough times but it’s also been some amazingly good memories to songs. I can hear a song and it will bring me back to a place or memory.
The lyrics songs help me to relate and get emotions out, without music I don’t know where I would be.
When my mood changes, I listen to songs that fit my mood, so I can go from a really happy one feeling good and then to one that’s deep and dark, because I’ve gone sad.
I also use music to block out the voices. Sometimes it works really well and other times, I cant hear the music because the voices are too loud and distracting me. Without music I’m not sure I could leave the flat or calm myself in times of distress. Sometimes it works better through headphones, and other times it’s better to have it blasting through my speakers.
There are a few songs which have really traumatic memories to them. I try to avoid them, but sometimes shops play them or they are on the radio. I do try to stay away from them most of the time. But when I’m feeling really low I sometimes listen to them, so I have a reason to feel low.
I also love listening to music when I exercise, it makes time go quicker and that means I stay exercising longer which makes my health better.
💫 Rosie’s Mental Health Journey 💫 