Tag: trust

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family Mental health mental health blogger Past

No wonder I can’t trust.

All my life I’ve been betrayed. When I was younger my parents used to look through my diary without my permission, that’s the one place. I used to feel able too express how I was feeling until that got taken away from me then it was my phone behind my back then used as a punishment, then my school work. I only found out about some of these because there are photo copies of my diary and school work in my mental health records when I requested them. I now have photo copies of everything my parents did behind my back. No wonder I don’t feel I can be honest or open up to anyone.

I can not trust anyone. Every time I think I can, I find out I can’t.

Then when I had my own place my cousin would go through my phone. I only found out one night because Siri accidentally went off. I mean how wrong is that. I thought I could trust him.

I did a poll on my Instagram and 54 people said it’s not ok! I think that says it all.

So next time someone says why can’t you trust anyone! Here is why.

I hate that it will effect me for the rest of my life.

I know I need to get past the anger and move on but HOW?

I don’t know how to. I’ve been betrayed my whole life and now I have to live in fear of my privacy always being taken away from me.

Any ideas of how to get feelings and emotions out when you have no privacy?

By the way yes I’m an adult and it still happens!

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Mental health

Why mum why?

I went over my parents to say hi, and my niece was asleep in the buggy. Dad asked me to let him know when she wakes up. Because mum was getting her hair cut in the kitchen, and dad was meant to be looking after her.

Well 10 minutes after he went outside with my cousin she woke up. My youngest sister called to dad to say she was awake but he did hear and it was a nice opportunity to spend some time with my niece.

So when she woke up and started to cry I got her out of her buggy and played with her toys in the front room. She was happy to lay there with her toys and me talking to her. But mum being mum comes in like a “hero” takes her off me and goes to “show” her off to their friend the hairdresser and our cousin.

I’m angry at this as I don’t get much time with my niece and it was quality time. And I told mum she was fine with me!

Yes I’m really angry at my mum, there was no need for it. It’s made me angry and left feeling like I need to harm.

Another point for mum making me feel worthless.

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Why was I admitted to an acute psychiatric hospital?

I believe it was a planed plot to get me in to hospital so that they can do what ever tests and gather information about me that they want. I feel safe and unsafe, mainly from the staff. 

I did have an incident when I was here one night, things just got too much for me, but I think that's for another blog post. 

I was just going for an outpatient crisis appointment planned meeting with my psychiatrist and community psychiatric nurse, and cousin/carer. 

I did not for one second think walking in to this hospital for normal meeting that I wouldn't be able to leave. I didn't say good bye to my cats or have there food out and plans in place. 

I was so shocked I walked from the outpatient floor to the acute psychiatric inpatient ward, with out thinking or even remembering how did I get here, I think a few days later it final set in that I was here and sectioned under the mental health act and that I wouldn't be able to leave and have no idea of when I will get out? 

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Mental health

I don’t trust you or me?!

Who can I trust. I don’t trust me. I don’t trust you. There is no one.

What does it mean to trust, because I don’t trust the voices I hear but I believe what there telling me, so why don’t I believe my family when they tell me something. 

Why are the voices different? I really don’t mood why?!