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Hearing the words EUPD? (Emotionally unstable personality disorder.)

I’m so embarrassed!

My psychiatrist saying that I have Emotionally unstable personality disorder.

I’m so embarrassed.

I feel like my personality is flawed! I’m flawed!

I’m crazy and the thought that this is a disorder of my personality is so hard to hear.

Who am I?

Am I here but this disorder effects my personality, they way I think and act? Is that right!

Who even am I? I don’t know anymore!

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My identity

I’ve always thought of my identity as being the shy, scared, mental person. And I think that is how I was seen at school, I was very different and stood out. Even when I worked I stood out, with scars and plasters on my arms. But I don’t feel I fit that any more. I was skinny, well anorexic to be honest, I’m now at classed as over weight, its painful. I’m not who I was and who I want to be. I’m trying my best to get back to being as skinny as possible but it’s extremely hard work. Im willing to put in that hard work. I’m still pretty shy, I hate talking in public and I’m always very anxious. 

So where does this leave me now I no longer fit that identity. 

I want my identity to be a caring person who is always there for friends and family. I want to be sporty and thin again. I still self harm and have mental health illnesses. I probably am still seen as the mental one of the family, there’s nothing else about me that is special.